I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
