i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
