They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
