Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize