We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
