What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
