i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
