take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
