Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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