we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
