that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
