I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
