i jhust puked up my retainher.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
