i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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