There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
