Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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