i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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