I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize