how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
