We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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