Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
