We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize