And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
