did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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