Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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