Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
