that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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