Cold hands, warm shart.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
