The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
