trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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