That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
