Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
