dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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