he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
