my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
