I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
