Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
