you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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