Plan B is the new Plan A
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
