And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
