THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
