My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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