I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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