I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
