I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
