Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Found the puke drawer
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
