in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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