im drinking this country out of the recession.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
