glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize