My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Why did my mother make you get naked?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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