I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize