i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
