I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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