I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
