If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
smell my finger.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
