I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
