i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
