I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
