how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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