Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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