Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
