My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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