i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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