Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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