I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize