she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
