I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
