You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
