Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
