i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
