Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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