kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
How naked do you want me to be?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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